October

 Desperation and loneliness. They often lead to relationships made the first year of graduate school one spends the second year shedding. Just ask Sebastian Flyte. Smoky breath, unfortunate physical protrusions, and speech impediments come swiftly to mind.

Lena was well aware of the pitfalls, but honestly! How much solitude was she meant to endure for the privilege of being an impoverished thirty-something pursuing a doctorate?

Thus it was that once again, Lena chose to ignore the innumerable "Whoop! Whoop!" alarms signaling in her head. For one, Olivia appeared as if she shopped at a thrift store. That she actually shopped at Barney’s made Lena even more skeptical: how does one spend a small fortune and yet still appear as if one patronizes an establishment specializing in cheap knock-offs of knock-offs. And if this is indeed the desired effect, then what does that say beyond proving the adage that there is simply no accounting for taste?

Nevertheless, during a moment of weakness, Lena responded a shade too heartily to the following salvo:

“Would you like to go out for lunch?”

Lena was thrilled! She had a date! Potentially.
She lied in the affirmative, “Yes, I’d love to!” and then immediately regretted it. Vainly she hoped Olivia would forget.
     Olivia did not.

***
     The following day after seminar, Olivia asked, “So, what are you doing this Friday? We can get together at my place and then go out for a bite. I know this great little Vietnamese place just around the corner from me. Really cheap, and good, too.”

The first twinges of concern began pricking at the back of Lena’s mind: cheap? What is the definition of cheap? Cheap compared to a pair of jeans that cost more than three months’ worth of a normal person’s phone bills (“They were soo cheap, only three hundred and fifty dollars!”). Or cheap as in affordable for Lena, and if so, perhaps Olivia would treat?

Olivia was blithely unaware of these apparent contradictions: she just wasn’t fond of visiting other people’s homes. In fact she made a strict rule never to do so. One never knew, after all, what level of hygiene they maintained. To prevent any such suggestions, she always emphasized points she knew appealed to other grad students: price and proximity.
“How does that sound?

           It was all progressing rather quickly for Lena, but boredom made her willing. After all, most Friday nights, she simply ordered pizza and watched a dvd with “Fussus,” aka Korbel, the Clydesdale kitty. This at least had the promise of variety.
           "Okay. Text me your address."
***

            Lena arrived promptly at 7:00, ravenous and ready to go out. “Hey, Olivia, I’m starving! I hope this place is good.”

            “Hi, Lena.” Olivia hid discreetly as she opened the door. “I just got out of the shower.”

            Lena expelled a mildly disappointed sigh, “Oh.”
            Clearly, 7:00 was a vague concept that implied a forty-five minute leeway.

            “Have a seat. I’ll be ready shortly. You can introduce yourself to my cats. That one in the corner is Zhong Zhong.”
             A diminutive of the word meaning “heavy” in Chinese, the cat was indeed generously proportioned. Olivia enjoyed dropping occasional Chinese words throughout daily conversations because she was half Russian-Jewish, half Chinese. Like many half-Asians, she embraced that side by wearing it as a badge. It signified a cultural membership that simultaneously emphasized that she was also half-white, a hedge against racism.

            Lena cooed, “Hi,” and he immediately lumbered over to her leg, which he greeted with a rub.

            As befitting any cat lover, Lena immediately began slobbering shamelessly over him. Zhong Zhong hopped onto the coach and extending his long body for maximum rubbing. He began rumbling excitedly as Lena sat down next to him and then he clambered into her lap.

            “Wow, is he heavy! What does he weigh, like fifteen pounds?”

            A timorous laugh emanated from the bathroom and Olivia replied in the affirmative. “Actually, the vet said almost twenty.”

            “Um, have you tried something? Like maybe putting him on a diet?” As soon as the words escaped her lips, Lena espied an enormous mixing bowl filled with about two pounds of dry food. “Oh my god, you feed him in that?!”

            Olivia emerged from the bathroom with an eyeliner pencil in hand. She looked casually at the bowl. “No, that’s not just for him. That’s for all of them.”

;On cue, her two other cats appeared from the bedroom and walked casually past Lena. The striped tiger gave Lena one glance, jumped spontaneously upward and then skittered off for parts unknown. The other flattened her ears at Lena, hissed, and then jumped onto a bookshelf.

            “Geez, a little testy?”

            “Oh, yes, that’s Xiaomei. She doesn’t like many people. Except me, that is,” Olivia giggled. “She’s very protective of me.”

            “Ahh. Well, I’ll stay away from her.”

            As she patted Zhong Zhong, Lena decided to pursue the issue of the enormous catfood bowl and asked, “So, why is it that you keep such a huge bowl of food out?”

            Olivia laughed a bit sheepishly, “Well Zhong Zhong seems to like to eat a lot. And I have to make sure there’s enough for the other two.”

            “Uh, maybe that’s because you have it out all the time? You know, depending on your cats, you shouldn’t always have food out.”

The answering shrug was almost audible.

            Now, cat lovers will disagree, but their veterinarians do not. Depending upon temperament not all cats require a constantly available food supply. Depending upon a cat’s temperament, aforesaid availability can lead to gross obesity, as demonstrated by Zhong Zhong.

The conversation about overeating seemed to make him hungry. He jumped from Lena’s lap and waddled over to the bowl. In seeming slow motion, he lowered himself onto the floor immediately in front. Then he heaved his head over the bowl’s edge and began hoovering catfood like a vacuum, which process occupied three solid minutes.

In response to his display, Olivia’s protectress, Xiaomei, decided that she, too, wanted to partake in the fiesta. She walked towards the bowl. She growled and hissed. Lena was not, evidently, the only one who was afraid of Xiaomei for Zhong Zhong looked up with immediately with alarm. Then, with a maximum of effort, he extracted his head from the bowl and slunk away.

“Overfeeding can sometimes make cats sick, you know.”

            This appeared to be an apt observation, for at that moment, Zhong Zhong suddenly froze. Staring at a point somewhat distant, he first hacked delicately. Then his entire body shuddered, he gave a terrific wheeze and barfed a healthy-sized furball.

            Ever helpful, Lena exclaimed, “Oh my god! The kitty is barfing!”

            Olivia emerged from her bathroom, now presentably attired and freshly made for the local cheap eats. “What did you say? I was doing my makeup.”

            “I said the kitty is barfing. Actually, now he’s done.”

            “Oh, poor thing!” Olivia reached over and patted Zhong Zhong on the head. Then she straightened and turned to Lena, “So, are you ready?”

            Lena could not help but stare at the remains of this spontaneous eruption. Olivia, meanwhile, placidly donned her shoes (Chanel, she informed Lena), then her jacket. As she prepared towards the door, Lena could stand it no longer.

“Um, Olivia, are you going to clean that up?”

“Hmm? Her gaze followed Lena’s outstretched arm. “Oh, that? No, I’m going to wait until it dries.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, it’s easier to clean up when it dries.” Lena’s look of puzzled distress prompted a further explanation. “You see, when it’s dried, I can just use a paper towel to gather up the furball,” Olivia explained.

Olivia then gave Lena a demonstration by directing her attention to another episode of feline gastrointestinal distress, this one suitably dried. Olivia then took a sheet of paper towel, covered it, and with both hands she gathered up most of the remains in a quick scooping motion. Some bits had stubbornly melded with the carpet fibers, however, so a few seconds of concerted tugging ensued. Olivia finally prevailed over most of it and then turned to Lena, “See? All done,” she smiled.

Lena stared dumbfounded.

“Are you coming?” Olivia asked casually over her shoulder.

Lena wanted to ask about cleaning the carpet. True, it was a 70’s shag that should have been replaced long ago, but still. And the smell. Ugh. Then again, perhaps Olivia didn’t mind. One look at Olivia told her that Olivia was quite certain that knew what was best, for her cats and her carpet. 

As Olivia led the way briskly down the street, she regaled Lena with the triumph that was her new vacuum cleaner. It possessed whirlwind action and came with a removable dust cup for easy cleaning. Dinner needed to be rather quick, it turned out, because she was anxious to try it out. Lena wondered if it had a steam cleaning attachment.